De-Briefing

Some of us hate "the Job". 

Just today we got an e-mail from a concerned girlfriend, worried that her man might be keeping secrets and leading a double-life, thanks to his current undercover assignment. 

He can't talk to her about the assignment, and sometimes can't talk to her at all…and she is worried.  She is suspicious.  Who can blame her?  It's a hard life, loving a police officer.

They don't always want to talk about their job, and sometimes they just can't discuss it.  Sometimes they want to just forget about it.  We have to be mind-readers sometimes to know, or…

My very favorite Police Officer's wife does this…

When her Hero gets home, they put his things away together.  They tell the kids not to interrupt them for 30 minutes unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire.  (I know what you're thinking and that is NOT it – ha)

They go into the back yard and, him first, they discuss the day's events.  This is DE-BRIEFING.

It's a set period of time for him to vent, scream, cry, unload the stress, and for her to know he loves her and he needs her and that any mood he presents has somewhat of a valid reason behind it, and it's not her fault if he's in a bad mood.

She listens, she helps, and she hugs.  Sometimes she cries with him.  And she knows that some days he will have nothing to say, or nothing he can share because of the need for secrecy.  Sometimes he talks in circles, and she just tries to understand.  But she's there for him and he knows that.  She's listening.   Not talking.  Not judging.  Not demanding anything.  Just listening.  And it's important for him to have her… a safe place, and someone to hear him and love him and understand him.

After his day's events are laid out and discussed, she begins to tell of her day's journeys…  and sometimes she decides to save sharing the days problems for another day…  maybe she'll carry those things until a day comes when his day was not so bad. 

My point is this:  Even if you hate his job, do your best to be there for him when he needs you.  And understand those times when he can't talk about it.  Give him the time and the space, but ALWAYS make him know that you are there for him when he is ready to talk.  He needs a safe place to come home to, and you should be that safe place. 

We may not always understand the job, but if you love that Officer, you'll do your best to try.  Until then, try to BE that SAFE PLACE they need to come home to.  Be there when they need to talk, and understand when they don't want to, or if they just can't. 

It's not easy.  But it's worth it.